Speaking up, keeping quiet and listening
From PLN
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Speaking up, keeping quiet and listening
When might you hold off on speaking your mind--and what happens when your ideas are rejected, or you need to say no to someone else? For that matter, are you listening to others as well as you should be? A few notes from the literature...
So you think you're a good listener
- by Leslie Dillon from Leader's Digest April 2008
Research by the authors of this article shows that, not only do “managers have skewed perceptions about their openness…” but also the “gap between managers’ self-evaluations and colleagues’ assessments is widest” when managers gauge their receptiveness to hearing about difficult issues.
That’s because bosses overestimate their openness and underestimate how much “the power difference discourages subordinates from speaking their minds. Put simply, managers often unwittingly signal that they don’t want to hear bad news…and subordinates tend to censor themselves.”
Managers’ misperceptions create barriers with both their peers and their subordinates. These barriers “inhibit the flow” of “useful bad news” and also of “positive ideas for improvement…”
What should managers do?
- Assume you’re “less open to unwelcome messages than [you] think—and recognize that [you] may be sending subtle signals that discourage frank input.”
- Use 360 degree surveys “to uncover general impediments to communication. … The data that those tools generate are specific to individuals, making it hard for managers to deny that the findings apply to them.”
(Patrick Barwise and Seán Meehan, So you think you’re a good listener," Harvard Business Review, April 2008.)
Keep your ego in check
- by Leslie Dillon from Leader's Digest March 2008
“Leaders need to feel that they make a positive difference—but not the only difference.” You should feel that you have something to contribute, that your ideas ideas are important. But if you believe yours is the only solution, you may be suffering from “importantitis,” the belief that everything you think or do is important. Symptoms of importantitis include the tendency to push yourself and your staff to take unreasonable risks.
How to avoid importantitis?
- Listen to your people. “Savvy leaders learn early on that good listening leads to good ideas…”
- Learn from your customers. Your customers can provide insights about how well your services are doing. Ask for suggestions for improvement. Listen to what your customers say!
- Surround yourself with jokesters. Humor will reduce tensions and keep you rooted in reality.
“Ego is a necessary part of leadership. Without belief in self, one cannot lead someone else. But when ego supersedes common sense, you’ve got problems. Surround yourself with equally capable and strong-willed people. Give them permission to disagree with you on a regular basis. Infatuation with one’s own brilliance can be hazardous to your ability to lead.”
(John Baldoni, “How to keep your ego in check,” Conversation starter, Harvard Business blogs, Mar. 3, 2008.)
When should you keep your ideas to yourself?
- by Leslie Dillon from Leader's Digest February 2008
Sometimes managers just can’t help themselves! Here’s a scenario for you: An entry-level employee approaches you with an idea, and rather than saying “great idea!” you suggest adding to it.
Marshall Goldsmith, executive coach and author of the Ask the coach blog, sees this as “trying to add ‘too much value’.” The problem is that while the quality of an idea may increase 5% with the boss’s suggestions, the employee’s “commitment to its execution may go down 50%.” You own the idea now, not the employee.
The “effectiveness of execution is a function of the quality of the idea multiplied by the executor’s commitment to make it work. Smart people … can get so wrapped up trying to improving quality a little that they may damage commitment a lot.”
Here’s how to avoid adding “too much value”:
- Before speaking to your direct reports:
- Ask yourself if your “added value” will “make this person more--or less--committed to doing a great job.”
- If your answer is “less committed,” ask yourself if the value added by your comment will exceed this person’s loss of commitment.
- If your answer is “no”--don’t comment.
- Before speaking in team meetings:
- Ask yourself if your comment will increase team effectiveness--or if you’re trying to prove you’re cleverer than your peers.
- If the answer is that you’re trying to show how clever you are--don’t comment.
- Before “adding value” with family members (especially teenagers):
- Ask yourself if they really care about your “sermon” or if you’ll just annoy them.
- If your sermon is going to go unheeded--don’t deliver it.
“’Adding too much value’ is a classic challenge for smart, successful people.” Leaders “need to make a transition from technical expert to developer of people... Achievement [is] about me. Leadership is about them.”
- (Marshall Goldsmith, "When should you keep your ideas to yourself?", Ask the coach, Jan. 21, 2008.)
Why someone may hate your ideas
- by Leslie Dillon from Leader's Digest February 2008
This is from a Medium is the message post by Eric Schnell at Ohio State University’s Prior Health Sciences Library, who got it from the Casual Fridays blog.
This sure makes it clear why some of my most brilliant ideas haven’t been accepted!
- You took a leap, but didn’t build a bridge. Our minds wander down paths and make leaps from one idea to the next very quickly. Your idea makes perfect sense to you because of the path you followed internally. If you don’t take everyone else down that path, it probably won’t make sense to them.
- Your idea had no tether. Your idea may be exciting, but if it isn’t tied to the purpose, budget and/or deadline...it’s floating away like a helium balloon without a string.
- You told a song. Some ideas just can’t be spoken. They have to be experienced differently. Don’t expect people to see or hear what is in your head. Make it real to them.
- You have no relational equity. Maybe you’re new and need to “earn your stripes.” Do you have a track record for presenting poor ideas? This is a big and difficult hurdle to cross. Find someone with relational equity and get them to champion your idea.
- You tossed an egg instead of a bird. You tossed it out there too early. Given time, it would have flown. Unless you have a very forgiving environment, a premature idea won’t survive. Be more patient.
- Too many thorns around the rose. Maybe it was a good idea, but when criticism arose, you got defensive. Maybe you didn’t show any flexibility when suggestions were offered. Be willing to give in to peripheral changes...
- You assumed you knew it all. This is a huge mistake that happens way too often. Don’t be presumptuous. Maybe your idea has been tried before. Maybe there’s more information that would help you come up with better ideas. Perhaps your idea won’t work, but be willing to let it bring new ideas out of others. You don’t have to create all the ideas, just recognize the good ones.
- (Casual Fridays, via The medium is the message, Jan. 25, 2008.)
Staying with no
- by Leslie Dillon from Leader's Digest February 2008
Most managers are torn between “our wish to stay with no and our desire to accommodate the person asking us for something.” Here are a few suggestions to help you stay with no “in a way that both conveys your resolve and preserves your relationships.”
- Use a neutral no. Saying no and sticking with it requires defusing emotion on both sides. “You want a referee’s manner.” But don’t be afraid to speak directly about the difficulty of your decision and the friction it creates.
- Be consistent. Prepare a consistent, cogent argument and stick with it. However, in special cases, “you may want to tell your counterpart what you could say yes to.”
- Explain the real reason you’re saying no. Excuses and lightweight reasons won’t convince your colleagues and may actually increase frustration on both sides.
- Don’t give false hope. That’ll just encourage your colleagues to keep pushing.
- Avoid a battlefront attitude. Not everyone tries to soften a “no.” If you feel like your no is a triumph of will, “good outcomes—-and good judgment—-are in jeopardy.”
- Know your triggers. Clarify your vulnerabilities in advance. That’ll help you “resist your counterpart’s tactics.”
- Practice! Rehearse in a protected setting, and choose “someone who will play the part of your worst nightmare…”
- (Holly Weeks, “Staying with no,” Harvard Management Update, Feb. 1, 2008.)
Related articles
- Listening and speaking, a communication commentary - Notes from a range of PLN articles.
- Moving from idea to reality - Notes on how leaders manage this transition.
- We got trouble... - an overview for articles on internal difficulties.
- Problematic management - notes on difficulties in managerial style and performance.
- Problematic communication and behavior - a range of notes on communication issues.
