Problematic communication and behavior
From PLN
Problematic communication and behavior
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Will there ever be a library without communications problems? Probably not--at least not as long as people run and use the library. We're prone to communications problems; it comes with the territory. We (most of us, some of the time; some of us, most of the time) disguise our feelings in our comments. We avoid saying what we mean. We scapegoat. We don't speak up when we should.
One common problematic aspect of communications is overstatement--as in the original title of the group article, "Toxicity, fear and problem people." "Toxic" is itself a somewhat toxic word. Most of the problems discussed under "toxic" headings below won't kill anybody, but they can damage work situations. They're unfortunate, they're harmful, they're problematic--but maybe not toxic.
Communication problems and possibilities for improvement include some of these points and more:
- Be aware of nonverbal communication that undermines verbal communication.
- Deal with character assassination immediately; that can be toxic for a workplace.
- Don't humiliate your people publicly unless you want to lose them.
- Make sure people don't say things in email they wouldn't say face-to-face.
- Good managers can extract value from problematic feedback, a form of alchemy that's worth learning.
- Your people (employees and patrons) may have good ideas they're unwilling to mention, ideas you should find ways to encourage.
You'll find a lot more on positive communication and feedback possibilities in Staff feedback and involvement and Speaking up, keeping quiet and listening.
Behavior problems and possibilities for improvement include some of these points and more:
- Scapegoating can undermine your workplace, but there are ways to prevent it.
- Some people are jerks, delighting in making other people miserable. There are ways to establish a "no jerks" policy.
- People need compassion when they're experiencing difficult emotions.
These comments and summaries come primarily from outside the library world. You'll find a number of library-related articles under Related articles
Communications problems and possibilities
Toxic communication
- by Leslie Dillon from Leader's Digest December 2006
We all know how toxic communication can infect a workplace. A Canadian consultancy has identified the four most common types of toxic communication and suggests techniques to help your managers and staff communicate more effectively. Some of these behaviors would probably be hard to learn and harder to practice daily, but it's still a useful list because we've all probably seen at least one of these, and the damage from toxic communication can be permanent.
- Toxic: Indirect communication, non-verbal messages that show disapproving attitudes and critical humor.
- How to avoid: Use "XYZ" communication, where a staff member says: "When you do X, it makes me feel Y. Could I ask you to do Z instead?"
- Toxic: Character assassination that dishonors someone who is not there to defend themselves.
- How to avoid: While talking about a fellow staff member in his or her absence, tell staff to picture their colleague, and say only what they would say in their presence.
- Toxic: Public redressing to avoid talking face-to-face.
- How to avoid: Managers should try their best not to discipline workers in front of their peers.
- Toxic: E-stabbing where a "scathing e-mail" message is sent copying the recipient's manager.
- How to avoid: Talk to staff face-to-face about the implications of using e-mails as a "fault-broadcaster".
("Toxic Communications," Inside Training Newsletter, Dec. 13, 2006.)
Find the gold in toxic feedback
- by Leslie DIllon from Leader's Digest April 2007
Managers need feedback, even if it’s biased, rude, off the mark, or irrelevant--and much of it is. The trick is learning to extract and decode the meaningful stuff and turn it into something usable. The authors of this article believe they "have uncovered a number of 'alchemists': rare individuals who are adept at transforming the base minerals of low-quality feedback into pure gold." Their behavior follows a few patterns that other managers can learn from.
| When feedback is: | Alchemists: |
| Personally offensive | Listen carefully, manage their emotions, and maintain a neutral tone. |
| Inaccurate | Focus on what's accurate and look beyond the literal meaning. |
| Irrelevant | Focus on just the information that can help them deal with the problems they face. |
| Unbalanced | Place negative feedback in the context of prior positive feedback from others. |
Alchemists are able to learn from even the most obnoxious or seemingly useless comments. They are able "to be aware of and manage their visceral reactions and...extract the useful information intelligently... The result is that they distinguish the message from the medium and focus on the information they need." (Fernando Bartolomé and John Weeks, "Find the gold in toxic feedback," Harvard Business Review, April 2007.)
Why employees are afraid to speak
- by Leslie Dillon from Leader's Digest May 2007
In a word--self-preservation. And they’re just as afraid to share innovative ideas as to blow the whistle. The authors interviewed over 200 people to identify the factors that cause employees to bring ideas to their bosses--or withhold them.
"What they were most reticent to talk about were not problems but rather creative ideas for improving products, processes, or performance." Employees were inhibited from speaking out by broad, often vague perceptions about the work environment. Making employees feel safe enough to contribute fully requires deep cultural change that alters how they understand the costs vs. the benefits of speaking up. Leaders "must explicitly invite and acknowledge others’ ideas (this does not mean they must always implement them)."
(James R. Detert and Amy C. Edmondson, "Why employees are afraid to speak," Harvard Business Review, May 2007. Free! Just click on the link.)
Behavior problems and possibilities
Twelve steps to stop scapegoating
- by Leslie Dillon from Leader's Digest March 2008
Have you ever been the victim of scapegoating at work? If so, what, if anything, was done about it?
Gill Corkindale, London-based executive coach and writer, is seeing an increasing number of cases of “corporate scapegoating”—“a hostile social or psychological discrediting routine by which people move blame and responsibility away from themselves and towards a target or a group.”
The effects of scapegoating are so insidious, managers need to treat it as a serious problem. “It should no longer fester as a taboo area which managers are reluctant to address.” So what can be done about it? Ms. Corkindale “recommends the following immediate steps:”
- Develop a thorough understanding of what’s going on — history, background, context.
- Find out what the scapegoater is trying to accomplish.
- Find out what’s going on between the scapegoater and the victim.
- Make it clear that you “have spotted the process and will talk about it openly until it stops.”
- Emphasize that you won’t “be available as a target.”
- “Stay clear of the scapegoater.”
Try to work towards a resolution in order to prevent future instances of scapegoating:
- Establish the facts — who did what?
- Make sure the scapegoater takes responsibility for his/her actions.
- Get the scapegoater to agree to stop blaming the target.
- Get the target to agree to take responsibility for anything he/she has done.
- Get the scapegoater to agree not to restart the scapegoating.
- “Convey the agreement in a way that is acceptable to the target and scapegoater.
(Gill Corkindale, "12 steps to stop scapegoating in your company," Letter from London, Harvard Business blogs, Feb. 20, 2008.)
Building the civilized workplace
- by Leslie Dillon, from Leader's Digest June 2007
“Nasty people don’t just make others feel miserable; they create economic problems for their companies.”
Organizations that tolerate jerks have greater difficulty recruiting and retaining staff; they have damaged reputations, and diminished confidence. Innovation and creativity suffer, and cooperation is impaired. Unfortunately, abuse in the workplace is widespread and the toll is high. But “leaders can take steps to build workplaces where demeaning behavior isn’t tolerated and nasty people are shown the door.”
The article’s author, Robert Sutton, (who also authored a recently published book on the subject) defines the workplace jerk this way: “do people feel oppressed, humiliated, de-energized, or belittled after talking to an alleged jerk? In particular, do they feel worse about themselves?” Sutton lists 12 ways that jerks do their dirty work:
- Personal insults
- Invading one’s “personal territory”
- Uninvited physical contact
- Threats and intimidation
- Sarcastic jokes and teasing
- Withering e-mail flames
- Status slaps intended to humiliate
- Public shaming
- Rude interruptions
- Two-faced attacks
- Dirty looks
- Treating people as if they were invisible
Some very successful organizations have “no jerks” policies; here’s how they enforce the rules.
- Make the rule public by what you say and, especially, do.
- Weave the rule into hiring and firing policies.
- Teach people how to fight.
- Apply the rule to customers and clients too.
- Manage the little moments (intervene).
(Robert Sutton, “Building the civilized workplace,” The McKinsey Quarterly, 2007 Number 2.)
Toxic emotions at work
- by Leslie Dillon from Leader's Digest March 2007
Many everyday workplace activities result in painful emotions. "When leaders fail to manage that pain, it poisons the workplace: Employees lose enthusiasm for work, suffer bruised egos, and feel disconnected from the company and its goals; morale erodes, and productivity plummets."
A new book from Harvard Business School, Toxic Emotions at Work and What You Can Do About Them by Peter J. Frost, explains how to prevent organizational pain from becoming "a debilitating poison--and how to use compassion to transform pain into a force for healthy...functionality." Frost explains the dangers of assigning 'toxin handlers' to soften the blow of emotional pain for others, and describes skills that employees can use to make compassion a part of their organizational culture. He "makes a compelling case for why painful emotions matter at work and why ignoring them carries a high price. Rich examples show how effective leaders can manage the inevitable pain that arises in their organizations." (Harvard Business Online.)
Related articles
- We got trouble... - an overview for articles on internal difficulties.
- Don't be that boss - Good advice on avoiding communication and behavior problems.
- Speaking up, keeping quiet and listening - Related notes on speaking your mind and listening to others.
- Communication and transparency - You need open communication for transparent leadership.
- Moving from idea to reality - Notes on this essential leadership capability.
- People who apologize earn more money! - There's nothing wrong with offering an apology when appropriate, and great leaders know to acknowledge a share of the blame.
- How healthy is your organization? - Notes from librarians and others.
- Staff feedback and involvement - commentaries on providing feedback to staff, getting feedback from staff and getting (and keeping) staff involved, not just taking orders.
