Listening and speaking, a communication commentary
From PLN
Listening and speaking, a communication commentary
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- Overview created by Walt Crawford, published October 24, 2008
Leadership may not be all about communication--but it's hard to be an effective leader or manager if you're not hearing what your followers and colleagues have to say and if they're not understanding your message.
PLN includes a wealth of articles that discuss communication. This commentary includes highlights from some of those articles with links to the articles (or sections of articles) for more good ideas and context.
This commentary is about internal communication. Marketing and other external communication deserves separate treatment.
Listening and hearing
Are you listening to your people--and hearing what they're saying? Do they know you appreciate them and what they have to say?
- Iris Jastram notes the power of a simple “good job!” or the equivalent--how nice it is to be reminded that what you do makes a difference.
- You're not listening if you tell people “Don't bring me problems--bring me solutions.” Frances Frei believes that this attitude stifles collective solutions--and certainly discourages open communication, probably resulting in lagging performance.
- Research by Patrick Barwise and Seán Meehan suggests that managers overestimate their openness and underestimate how much “power differences” discourage subordinates from speaking their mind. They suggest assuming that you're less open to unwelcome messages than you think and using 360-degree surveys to identify communication problems.
- John Baldoni discusses the need to avoid “importantitis,” the belief that yours is the only solution. You need to learn good listening, learn from your patrons and “surround yourself with jokesters.” Ego isn't a bad thing--but when it supersedes common sense, you've got problems.
- Sometimes you need to stifle--avoid adding “too much value” to an idea someone brings to you. Will your valuable addition actually improve the situation or just annoy people or show how clever you are? If the latter--or if your “improvement” devalues the other person's input--it may be an ideal time to keep your mouth shut.
Open communication
Mary Carmen Chimato notes the need for transparency in order for people to hear--and speak--effectively. She calls for a climate of open communication. “What I mean by this is a work environment where people are comfortable being honest and direct, sharing their opinions, without the fear of, not retribution, but offending people.”
Short versions of Chimato's five points for hearing--for receiving feedback effectively (Read the article for details):
- I am secure in the knowledge that I am good at what I do.
- What happens in my professional life does not necessarily have much, if any, bearing on my personal life.
- The people I work with are my colleagues and collaborators, not my enemies.
- I can’t please everyone.
- Nine times out of ten it is not going to be catastrophic.
Chimato sees improvement--but still finds people “getting emotional and personal about issues that are purely professional. I recognize that sometimes people care so much about their work that it is hard for them to not identify with it, but I also think that in cases like that too much can be a bad thing. You want to be open to what people have to say.”
Leadership and communication
- Kathy Bloomgarden stresses the importance of trust in an organization's strategy and calls for leaders to be committed to ongoing communication, actively reach out, be visible and accessible and inspire--share your long-term vision.
- Lee B. Salz notes the need to “create a culture where employees are encouraged to speak up before the ship hits the iceberg.” Salz suggests talking with those who do the work every day--and making sure they “feel empowered to share what they feel is right.”
Communication and teamwork
- One key to successful teams is “Ongoing training in communication, group leadership and other skills” according to Harvard Management Update.
- A proven leader or the “best” person on the team may unknowingly impair communication. According to Robert Cialdini, proven leaders frequently don't solicit input from others--and other team members may relinquish responsibility without providing important input. Indeed, being the brightest person on the team may be a problem.
- If you're trying to inspire a team with an irresistible challenge, you need to share information and ask for input (among other things).
Getting past communication barriers
It doesn't matter what you say if people aren't ready to listen--and, conversely, your people won't tell you what you need to hear if they don't think you're listening.
Conversational anxiety
When people are anxious, their minds constrict. A constricted mind is ready for “fight or flight” mode and isn’t “open to hearing new directives…”
Mark Goulston says you should pay attention to body language. For example:
- If someone thinks you’re “talking at” them, they’ll either: a) “hunker down in a submissive pose…or b) they’ll stick their chin out at you and narrow their eyes…
- If they think you’re “talking to” them, they’ll “nod from the neck up.”...
- If they think you’re “talking with” them, they’ll “relax their shoulders and neck…”
“The key is to keep attuned to their unspoken language--the more attention you pay to body language, the more expert you’ll become at reading and reacting to it.”
Effective feedback
Performance reviews can be fraught with anxiety, particularly if you're a manager who has negative feedback--or if you're getting a review and know there have been problems. Mary Carmen Chimato offers some good advice on giving and receiving feedback in these situations. For example,
Giving
- Emphasize the positive.
- Focus on the behavior, not the person.
- Own the feedback--don't pretend you're just the messenger.
- The employee may not need advice--instead, discuss a plan of improvement.
Receiving
- Don't attempt to justify your position or argue about the feedback.
- Think before you respond.
- Have some perspective and choose your path.
Jack Stahl proposes six steps for effective feedback, including these:
- Value the individual. Begin by affirming what the employee contributes to your organization...
- Ask the person to identify his/her biggest challenges. Ask the employee to assess his/her performance, including both strengths and challenges....
- Provide targeted feedback. Give specific examples of behaviors to change.
”Constructive criticism” is always tricky (who defines constructive?), particularly when you're criticizing your best people and those with the most tenure. Suggestions for getting your feedback heard include:
- Reinforce the message--repeatedly, if need be.
- Tailor your remarks to the employee's communication style.
- Think about “power signals”--the unspoken messages you're sending by where and how “constructive” criticism is delivered.
Gaining value from negative feedback
Fernando Bartolomé and John Weeks suggest ways that “alchemists” can transform low-quality feedback into “pure gold.” A quick summary of their suggestions:
| When feedback is: | Alchemists: |
| Personally offensive | Listen carefully, manage their emotions, and maintain a neutral tone. |
| Inaccurate | Focus on what's accurate and look beyond the literal meaning. |
| Irrelevant | Focus on just the information that can help them deal with the problems they face. |
| Unbalanced | Place negative feedback in the context of prior positive feedback from others. |
It's rarely easy to dissent
This article discusses the need for “contention” and the tendency not to speak up.
This reluctance to speak up stems from fears that superiors won’t like an idea or that it may criticize the status quo. The costs of speaking out seem more certain than the benefits.
How do you get people to speak up? The article suggests starting at the top, compensating candor and listening.
“Decisions are seldom better for silence, and overcoming that is a key task for the leader of any organization.”
James R. Detert and Amy C. Edmondson find that people are afraid to share innovative ideas even more than problems, primarily out of self-preservation.
Employees were inhibited from speaking out by broad, often vague perceptions about the work environment. Making employees feel safe enough to contribute fully requires deep cultural change that alters how they understand the costs vs. the benefits of speaking up.
Age and generations
How people listen depends on how they view the speaker as much as what the speaker says. Age and generation barriers can also get in the way of effective communication--we “hear” what the person appears to be before we listen to the explicit message.
- Iris Jastram considers “how much we have to wade through assumptions in order to be taken seriously”--how younger professionals may have to try harder, make special efforts to “dress seriously,” and cope with context and tone. Wayne Bivens-Tatum adds a discussion of the problems faced by younger leaders and the nonsense of generational generalizations.
- Mutual respect--or lack thereof--may drive communication problems between “generations.” Jenica Rogers-Urbanek recounts a specific situation in which a modestly-innovative plan created by a number of younger librarians was dismissed out of hand by “men in their 50's and 60's.” Bill Drew takes on his own generation in a rant (he calls it that) about resistance to change, new ideas and new opinions. T. Scott Plutchak notes that resistance to change is hardly a generational imperative--and that sometimes you need to gently ignore those who won't embrace change. Jamie LaRue acknowledges the possibility of generational issues in communication and suggests dealing with generational conflict by acknowledging it and letting it go, changing your behavior or using a “generational template” to talk it over. He also notes the possibility that “millennials” may be too collaborative and too willing to set aside their own ideas. And Kendra K. Levine wants to get away from labels and focus on individuals...as does T. Scott Plutchak, making a connection between generational generalizations as barriers to effective understanding and ethnic generalizations, the insidiousness of racism.
- Tammy Erikson discusses specific communication issues for younger bosses and older employees. She asserts real generational differences and suggests that the employees “figure out how the younger boss likes to communicate” and that the employee “go out of your way” to respect “what the younger person brings to the party.” It's up to the younger boss to “ask lots of questions,” “signal that you recognize and respect the way it's always been done” and “demonstrate your skills.”
- And if you want a breath of hot air from an “adult” who may need to grow up, read Jaurina D'Auria's striking comments about “old folks” and why “I'm different, I'm better and I'm tired of hearing otherwise.” Could you communicate with someone like that--or, for that matter, are you someone like that and finding that people aren't hearing you very well?
Harmful communication
Sometimes communication goes badly awry--to the point that it can be viewed as toxic. A short list of points discussed (along with others) in Problematic communication and behavior:
- Be aware of nonverbal communication that undermines verbal communication.
- Deal with character assassination immediately; that can be toxic for a workplace.
- Don't humiliate your people publicly unless you want to lose them.
- Make sure people don't say things in email they wouldn't say face-to-face.
- Good managers can extract value from problematic feedback, a form of alchemy that's worth learning.
- Your people (employees and patrons) may have good ideas they're unwilling to mention, ideas you should find ways to encourage.
Specific problems and suggested remedies
A Canadian consultancy identifies four types of “toxic” communication and suggests remedies here:
- Toxic: Indirect communication, non-verbal messages that show disapproving attitudes and critical humor.
- How to avoid: Use “XYZ” communication, where a staff member says: “When you do X, it makes me feel Y. Could I ask you to do Z instead?”
- Toxic: Character assassination that dishonors someone who is not there to defend themselves.
- How to avoid: While talking about a fellow staff member in his or her absence, tell staff to picture their colleague, and say only what they would say in their presence.
- Toxic: Public redressing to avoid talking face-to-face.
- How to avoid: Managers should try their best not to discipline workers in front of their peers.
- Toxic: E-stabbing where a “scathing e-mail” message is sent copying the recipient's manager.
- How to avoid: Talk to staff face-to-face about the implications of using e-mails as a “fault-broadcaster.”
Related articles
Articles and sections of articles appear as links throughout this overview.
